Yesterday was my first day back to work since December 18th or so! I was surprised at how I was feeling as I prepared to go back. I didn't have that dreaded feeling on Sunday afternoon like I thought. The day went pretty well, and the kiddos were so excited to see me! It is always nice to be loved and feel missed.
Today was a different story. I left the school feeling like a failure, frustrated, and no fight left in me. I have one very difficult student this year who has given me quite a run for my money. There is a lot of background on this little one that breaks my heart because I love him and want to help him. But my hands are tied. I cannot control his parents or their thoughts or actions, and I cannot control how things run in the world of education. Therefore, I'm left fending for myself. He is a constant disruption and I have spent way more time on his behavior than on the teaching/learning of the rest of my class. Out of 20 students I really have 18 wonderful kinder kids. But 2 overshadow it all. (the second because of the first)
I do not feel I have given them all they could have had this year, and that doesn't settle well with me. The sadder part is that the student I have spent the most time with, has made no academic growth=(
So I'm left trying not to dread the last 8 weeks I have for this year. Trying to ignore this behavior (while he destroys my room in the process), and give the other 18 a great ending to a really messed up year. I covet any prayers as this will be the only thing that gets me through. I am trying to stay positive, but after two cries tonight, it's touchy.
On a much lighter note, Miss Natalie has done GREAT with Meagan, our babysitter! She has been happy, healthy, and having a blast with her new playmate, Sadie=) God has definitely provided for us there! We love you, Meagan!
Praying for you and the student. I know you are a great teacher. Don't let Satan make you think otherwise.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I'm so happy to hear you have a babysitter that you love. There's no greater feeling than being able to trust the person keeping your little angel. :)
ReplyDeleteNot knowing the details, I can't say I know exactly what you're going through, but my last year (while pregnant) was my hardest year hands down. I had a very troubled student (age 4) with a background that you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. Like you said, it's so tough feeling alone because you can't change the parents and you for sure can't change the system. I found this student literally destroying my room time and time again, being violent toward the other students (I actually had to protect my other kids as well as comfort/console them from being scared of her). I found myself feeling so frustrated and actually angry that the rest of my students suffered so much because most days it was impossible to teach them anything, IMPOSSIBLE to get to anything that was planned. I am so very sorry you have had a tough year. I'll be praying for you as you finish the year. I remember so wanting to finish strong! For the kids...just wanted to finish strong for them-to squeeze in every little bit that I could because they were so eager. Just remember, you're doing the very best you can with what you have. God knows your heart. Love you! (Sorry for the extremely long comment)
Thanks Kim and Mary. I know I am doing my best. The frustrating thing is feeling whipped at the end of every day.
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